COUPLES

Options  You have then choice of doing traditional therapy or doing an "intensive" approach using assessments ahead of time to reveal hidden aspects of your relatiuonship you may not be aware of.  

The traditional approach keep costs lower and gets right to the practical issues that brought you to therapy.

If you do the assessments, there will be separate fees for the tests and interpretation of the rersults.  The assessments reveal an understanding of your marriage you never had.  It's similar to getting blood tests or x-rays at your doctors office.  It gives you a look at the hidden causes of your conflict, to understand what's going on from a new perspective.  It gives you a structure for interpreting even the behavior that drives you nuts in your partner in a way that allows a compassionate view of each other, and unified understanding to begin to build from.

Common Issues  Many times there is a loss of desire or loss of romantic interest, especially for women.  For many men it's the ongoing frustration with sexual satisfaction.  Almost always it's a repeating pattern in your conflict, where you just keep having the same argument over and over... the circumstances change, but not the script.

There are common patterns what couples seek in counseling. I have come to see these issues as part of every relationship.  The key is to begin seeing the issues as having two "realities"... Your view AND your partner's view.  Instead of thinking that one of you is right, you think about what is right for each of you.  There is a saying, "You can be right, or you can be married.  You can't have both."  You have to start thinking what will be a win for both of you.

Thank goodness we have the keys to be able to start progress right now.  No more repeating the same argument over and over, endlessly playing out the pattern as love slowly erodes away.  Start working not only for what's good for you, but also what is good for the relationship.

Sex is always a crucible where the differences in the relationship translate to differences in needs in the bedroom. Power struggles don't work anyway, but especially in intimacy.  It can't be, "I try to give sex to him because if I don't, he's unbearable.  But he doesn't seem to get that I have given him a gift.  He just seems like that's the way its supposed to be.  Or, "It seems like she always makes excuses when I come on to her.  And why do I always have to be the one who starts things, anyway?  I feel ripped off."  Just like in everything else, there has to be direct and honest negotiation of what each of you needs.  Not compromise, but rather creative solutions that represent both of you.